The Tailor...

In a tailors drawer you can find all kinds of things, needles, thread, fabric, scissors, and the list goes on, and on... I think thats an appropriate name for a web page where there is nothing fixed, where someone can come out with daily ideas, of any kind, surprises and even get in trouble for sharing one´s thinking... I have been willing to write and share thoughts, there might be someone interested on them, so I hope, and share and build based on the way we think. That´s the reason of the name.

The Day...

Life has been surprising, I still wonder about the meaning of my own choices, the purpose, the goal or just why I am here. One of the hardest expereinces in my life, has been losing my big boy, my Dog, sounds like a cliche, so many have gone through this process. In the same way that so many beloved ones die. I have to be honest though, I did not cry as much when my mother and my sister passed, as much as I cried when my dog, after 11 years died.

He died in my arms, I have no idea what caused him to go, I just tried with my limited knowledge of situations like that, to help him but I couldn't. It was two days after my birthday. What an awkward unexpected gift to celebrate my life, by losing his. My everyday had him snoring and farting next to me. I got used to it. It was soothing to a certain point. O my, so many good times with my boy, 11 years of surprises, learning with him how to let how my old obsessive perfectionism. Finaly, I learned by accepting his imperfections. So many times, I felt like punishing him, then after looking that face, made me desist of it.

My mother saw him once laying on the couch, he was about 2 months, and she went on saying: "dogs belong in the backyard". I emphatically said, at your house, here he belongs on the couch. I headed out for work, that same evening I returned and found her with him, both on the couch laying down. I just said: What happened to the idea that dogs belong in the backyard? She replied, not this one!

I miss him so much.

Today, thinking about him, remembering, I realized how much he made my life easier. I had love and gave love on the regular basis. I long for those days, when I was waking up, in the middle of the night, just to make sure that he was comfortable, and then going back to sleep.

It was, two days ago, that I dreamed of seeing more dogs like him, for sale, or adoption, I got closer and one of them jumped on me and licked my face. I felt guilty in my dreams. Somehow, unfaithful to my dog, as ridiculous as it sounds. It makes me feel like I can't have another dog, it will be hard to imagine not being him with me.

I used to criticize some friends about their way of treating their dogs, I always thought of it being too much, not normal, I would say. Now, I am one like them, I understand how strong is the bond that we create with these angels, and how strong our love for them is.
I wish I could still have my monster with me.
I truly received so much love.

I can't and I won't compare the love that we have for our fellow humans and our dogs, both are just different. Period!

I hope that whoever needs a prayer, a word of consolation can reach and request it.

Al Carvajal

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